IMPROVING RELATIONSHIPS & NEURO-LINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING (NLP)

Obtain a State of Self Hypnosis in Minutes.  Learn More.

The study of the mind-body-spirit relationship is a never-ending quest at Organic Communication & last night was no exception.  I took a class on NLP with Lynda Wells, Ph.D., and really enjoyed the experience.  So first off, what is NLP?  To quote Lynda, NLP is "a diverse set of modeling tools for creating change in yourself and others."  I know, it's a bit broad, but we are going to have to keep this one at a high level.  While much of what I learned overlapped with many of the topics normally discussed here, there were some interesting exercises that provided new perspectives.   Before I explain what we did, take a moment to contemplate this......

We each see what we want to see, or what we are intended to see.  In other words, as individuals with certain experiences, conditioning and personalities, we have very real FILTERS that may radically change our perception of something, as compared to someone else.

We conducted an exercise where we closed our eyes and placed our hands up against a stranger's hands -- palm to palm, fingertip to fingertip.  Then we just went with the flow.  With our eyes closed we allowed our hands to move around, guiding each other or just holding still.  After several minutes we opened our eyes.  What I saw next was really fascinating.

In most cases, the two individuals had very different perceptions of what was happening.  One person thought she was simply holding her hands still; her partner, on the other hand, perceived her as aggressive and driving much of the hand movement.  These perspectives shocked the two participants.  How could they have such radically different perceptions?  

Because they have different filters, and consequently, view their experiences differently.

This was just one brief exercise.  Why is this so important?  Because it teaches us that no matter how hard we try to get certain information across to others, in many cases they simply are not designed to receive that information.  Rather than being frustrated with this seeming thick-headedness, we should respect our individual differences.  Every individual is at a different point in their lives, and as we know, every individual has different personality traits or ways of processing information.  For example, with the Myers-Briggs typology test we know that some people are 'Sensors;' these people process information based mainly on what they absorb through their five senses.  They may be uncomfortable absorbing information in any other way.  While other people process information and make decisions primarily through their intuition.  These people naturally read between the lines and look for meaning in everything.  These are radically different ways of looking at the world; but as soon as we embrace these differences, the sooner we will have mutual respect & peace of mind.   

Interestingly enough, Lynda noted that "we only hear 7% of what people are saying" and the rest is based on our own assumptions." 

Granted this is only a small taste of what NLP has to offer.  Another really intriguing thing that I learned was in regards to eye movement and how we can read into another person's thinking process based upon eye movements.  A high-level example of this is as such, when a right-handed individual is trying to visually remember something, he/she will usually look upward to their left; if he/she is contructing a new thought, however, the person will look to their right.  This is a tool that lawyers can use to ascertain some insight into whether or not their clients are being truthful.  Pretty neat stuff.  The diagram below goes into more detail about this. 

The bottom line is this -- NLP crosses a host of different areas, from psychology to medical science to quantum physics and beyond; and in so doing, provides structure to a concept that is often difficult to quantify. 

There are lessons to be learned; a healthy respect for other people's differences (or seeming indifference, in some cases ) can lead to a more harmonious and balanced experience.  Take the time to recognize that every individual is working within a framework that is different from your own; while their operating systems may be similar, they have different design parameters and lot of very different files stored within them.  But never lose sight of the fact that they too, are striving to learn lessons and do the best that they can.